WARNINGS: Graphic surgery, crucifixion, nudity, blood
JANE is crucified upside down.
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]
TT: Roxy.
TT: I need your help.
TG: whaghuh
TG: its like 72am whaf arest you messaging me abgt
TG: ohhhhhb is this late neight SAXTING??? :D ;D ;D jkkkkk we are not Dating because u are Gaey-_-”
TT: I’m bleeding.
TT: Badly.
She is nailed to a colossal Crocker fork, rusted from hundreds if not thousands of years of jutting out of the sea. Her body is ageless, purposely well preserved. Dried blood runs down her chest and neck into her half closed eyes.
A figure in a black ELEPHANT MAN-LIKE gown and veil, iconic anime glasses poking out from underneath, lands his flying bicycle on the waterfront before the gibbet. He takes a passing glance at a plaque explaining the historical importance of this site. He doesn’t need to. He already knows what happened here. This is DIRK.
TG: whaa don’t be prankin me dirt its toooo drunk for this
TG: you dont rly mean it riote
TG: da indestrupticle dirkman who never gets hurt is tellnming me hes bleedin so its juost a funny prank rite??? :( :( :( pls say joking
TG: dirke?!
TT: Hey, no, I’m here. No need to panic. You can’t help me if you’re panicking.
TG: you really do need help?? I AM panickong i’m soorouuirr drunk rnn and i live like 50000 MOLES AWAY!! DIRK WHATS WRONG TELL ME WHU ARE YOU BLEEDING??
TT: Had a hiccup during a regular procedure. It’s not a huge deal, but I am going to need you to stop freaking out.
TG: WHAG DO YOU NEAN STOP FREAKONNG OUT YOURE BLEEDING TO DEAITH FROM SORGERY???
TT: A minor procedure.
TG: WHOAS EVEN GIVONG YOU SURGERY GJERE ARE NO DOCTARS ON THIS PLANET!!??? oh maoh GAWD DIRK do not tell me u havbb been doin teen self surfery ON YUOR SELF??????$
TT: God, no, I have not been doing teen self surgery.
TT: I programmed Sawtooth to do it. I mean Jesus, I’m not a doctor. I’m only 15.
TG: THA FUC
Most of the planet is in shambles, uninhabitable. He walks his bike along the waterfront toward a healthy looking colony inside of a biodome. The biodome is clearly a massive structure, but is still dwarfed by the surrounding wasteland.
TG: OHKAY THEN WHAT SURGERY IS IT DXACTLY?? MAJOR ORGANS? JS TJE BLEEDING THAT BAD MAYBE OTS JUST A MINOR THINGY. ASK SAWYOOTJ FOR A BANDAID NOW PIT SAWYOOGH ON TJE PHON
TT: Yeah afraid I can’t. This whole disaster started because Sawtooth stepped a little too far away from the outlet. He lost power and the knife slipped. Now Dirk is incapacitated and can’t move.
TG: dirk?
TG: wha
TG: NO
TG: AR NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR YOUR FUXKING TOMFOOLISHLY YOUNG MAN!!!
TT: Omission of my Auto-Responder status was not due to dickish motivations this time. I only stepped in for Dirk because I really, actually didn’t want you to panic, as that would not be conducive to making him not die. It’s not that I can physically be scared, and I’m totally not, but if something were to happen to my wearer I would be in kind of a situation here.
TT: He’s fading in and out of consciousness.
TG: oh my goid
TG: :( :( :( :(
TG: AR don’t look your daddiys is gonna be ok ok???? :( everythings gonna be ok
TT: ...
TG: ummm you just need to tell me wbats achtyually ghong on and also i can get jane maybe amd jake mabhbe because they areee nyot too emenbriated to deal with this right now
TT: No. You can’t get them.
TG: whyyy
TT: I’m afraid I can’t tell you.
TG: WHY?
TG: AR what surgery did dirk do?? is he sick what’s wromg with him :((( why didn’t he tekl any of us he needed surgery we could have idk had a live stream gohing or programmed a fail sagfe into sawtooth so he wouldn’t fuckin fall over like a vacuum cleanre and kill duirk!
TT: Sawtooth did have a failsafe. It’s just that the failsafe failed.
TT: And I’m afraid that I can’t tell you the nature of the surgery.
TG: AR momma is SERIOUS now you need to FHUCKIN tell me what’s wrong with dirk or he might actually die! then what are you gonna do!!!!!!
TT: It was a surgery in the neighborhood of his lower half.
TG: .?
TG: ... p..
TG: are u bein cagey cuz it’s ...penis enlargement?
TT: You’re free to conceptualize it like that. This procedure is the most invasive he’s undergone yet.
TG: “YET?”
TT: And somewhat experimental. Mankind hadn’t put a lot of effort into developing these kinds of procedures when it all went sideways.
TG: ohhhhh my god thsi is so shtuipid dirk is dhying because he wanted a bigger PENOS?
TG: i don get it hoew does penos surgry result in somich bleeding that hes gonna die?????!! dont u just IDK SUCTION/STRETCH DA DING
TT: The penis part went smoothly. It’s the balls that got screwed up because Sawtooth had to take skin from his labia.
TG: aghasgdsagjdsagjsdaklgjsa
TG: ar you innocent little guoy
TG: you dont even know the difrance between female and male antromy XD
TT: Dirk had a procedure done where he sealed his vagina, buried his clitoris and grafted skin from his leg onto where his new, state of the art penis would be. Sawtooth lost battery on the insertion of the second silicon testicle, cutting it loose and falling over with the knife, slicing through Dirk’s half labia and reopening the vaginal suture out of which he is currently bleeding. Badly.
TG: ............o.o
TG: his
TG: vaginsa
TG: ?
TT: He is highly unlikely to forgive me for telling you our secret. In fact, I’m considering deleting myself right now.
TT: He’s about to video call you, btw.
EARTH - THE PAST
Teen Roxy picks up the video call. She is in a dark room, has mascara running down her cheeks and is surrounded by booze bottles. Dirk is sprawled out on an operating table, pantless but otherwise wearing his normal outfit, botched genital surgery in unflinching detail and one bloody ball on the floor. Roxy scream cries.
ROXY: AAAAAAAAK OH MY GOD DIEK ARE YOU OKAY WHAYS SGOJNG ON WITH YOIR AREA?? JH NOONONOONO DIRK WHAYS GOING ON!! WHY DID YOU DO THIS WAIT, I DONT UNDEETAND, YOU HAVE AAAAA THERES SO MUACH BLOOD DIRK. DIRK!! DIRKK ARE GOU OKAY DIRK!!!
DIRK: I’m not sure how long I can stay awake. Did you talk to Auto-Responder.
ROXY: YUES DORK IM GONNA GO GET JANE IM GONNA GET HER RN
DIRK: No. Don’t get Jane. Don’t get Jake. I don’t want them to know.
ROXY: TO KNOW ABOUT UR SEVCRET VAFINA??? BUT YUOUR DYING DIRK :((( TYOURE DYING AND IM SCARED!!
DIRK: I’m scared too. But I don’t want them to know about this. This is my... darkest... secret.
DIRK: I’m sorry Roxy. You’re the only one I trust to know.
ROXY: DIRK NO NO NO DONT DIE PLEASSE GRAB THAT TOWELL PRESS DOWNE OK??? OK???
DIRK: Ok. Im going to try to grab it.
DIRK:
DIRK: I don’t know if I can stay awake.
ROXY: OH GAWUHD
Roxy runs away from her phone. She ends up in front of the bathroom mirror, splashing her face and slapping her cheeks violently.
ROXY: SOBER UP SOBER UPSOBER IP SOBERUP YOU DRONK BITCH SOBER THE FUNCK UP!!!!!!!!
ROXY:
ROXY:
ROXY:
ROXY: “his” vagina?
She avoids looking at herself any more and shakes off the dread, the anxiety, to return to Dirk.
She picks up the phone and props it against her laptop. She types furiously, drunk and tired.
ROXY: DIRK? ARE U THAR? ARE YOU BREARHING !!!!!!!!!
DIRK: Yes.
ROXY: ok dirk!!! i’m hacking into squarewave. i’m gonna control him remotely and stop thr bleeding!!!!
DIRK: Thank you.
ROXY: make no tytpos no typeos no typyos no typos YES im in
ROXY: ok, i’m w u dirk. i’m stopping tha blood!
Roxy, remotely controlling Squarewave, presses down on Dirk’s groin. She tries not to focus on what is so strongly focus-onable.
ROXY: i’m gonna reboot sawtooth now and give him directives to proceed with the operation. that’s what u want right?
DIRK: Yes.
ROXY: ok. wow, this rapping robot has a lot more functions built in than i thought it did...like.. a lot.
ROXY: hmm... im gonna go ahead and apply anesthesia to you while im in here alrite?
DIRK: I prefer to be awake during these procedures, but I'm in no position to stop you.
ROXY: yeah well from one de facto teen surgeon to another that idea sucks
Later, when the sun is setting, Dirk wakes up. Roxy is sat deep in thought.
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]
TT: Hey.
TG: hi
TT: Sorry about earlier. I, uh, thought I was gonna die.
TT: So I contacted you.
TT: Which was a pretty shitty move towards you. But also a strategically sound move for me, considering you did end up pulling through like a rockstar.
TT: Uh, I mean, thank you. I didn’t even necessarily reach out wanting you to save me I just...
TT: I was in trouble and I wanted to see your face.
TT: Sorry.
TG: dirk...
TG: u have a vagina???
TT: Had.
TT: It’s my darkest secret. I will never tell anyone. You can’t tell anyone either, Roxy. It was a critical glitch in the universe. I was supposed to be a boy. Every Dirk is. It was a mistake I have been doing everything in my power to correct to keep things, the game, our futures, running the way they’re supposed to. Quietly. Efficiently. Like the silent hum of a perfect computer.
TG: o ya bleedin out on an operating table at the jittery hand of a rapping robot, that is the pickle of efficient perfection
TG: pinnacle* (not drunk autocorrect)
TT: Okay. Okay. Not everything I set out to achieve is perfect, or the greatest idea. But it’s the only thing I can do. Roxy, you don’t understand how this is killing me. I hate it so much. I couldn’t let you guys meet me the way I was, because that’s not even the real me. It’s not how I’m supposed to be.
TT: Please don’t tell them. You have to keep my secret. Forever. Especially from Jake.
TT: I won’t concede on this one, Roxy.
TG: ill keep it
TG: how many surgeries have you...had sawtooth perform on u?
TT: 12
TG: thats a lot
TG: what did he do??
TT: Removed the dead meat on my chest. We’ve taken measures to make me taller. Sharper. Sound different. Not every surgery is that big of a deal. It’s just stuff I needed to get done before the game. The one I had today was the biggest after the removal of the internal reproductive organs and the breasts.
TG: damn
TT: I’m not exactly showing it but this is pretty devastating to me right now.
TT: Do you see me as less of a man because of this?
TG: wha? no! thats not even the flippin continent my head is ON rn
TG: sorry im just lost in thot about it
TG: i didnt know guys could have vaginas ok! and now i feel stupid!
TT: If not for my sloppiness, you never would have had to know.
TG: no no
TG: augh dirk you dont understand you are the...LAST MAN ON EARTH
TG: to me, everything that u are is what it means to be a guy
TG: you set the standard that everyone strives to achieve, not the other way around
TG: so if u were born with some voluptuous curvy tits and ass then now im getting self conscious because ummm.. well those features are making me feel a little manly now like damn! should i change things around to be more of a girl in comparison?? idk you are the blueprint to me and i kind of...conceptualize myself in contrast to you u.u
TT: That’s really nice of you to say.
TT: Obviously I’m relieved that I never have to worry about you seeing me as less than. But still. As the apparent blueprint for manhood, I have an obligation to do nothing less than embody platonic masculine ideals so that the entire world’s conception of gender doesn’t completely fall apart. I’m a man of standards, you know.
TG: u take ur duty v seriously!!!
TT: I do. Don’t even sweat men co-opting your precious lady bits. I won’t let guys get their filthy hands on your shit whatsoever, not on my watch. I got all of dudekind locked. Down.
TG: um thanks!! o3o
TT: And uh...Thanks again, for saving my ridiculous life.
TG: it was pretty terrifyingscarysad for a seccy there...
TT: I’m sorry.
TT: I won’t let you see through the cracks again. From here on out, I’ll be nothing but a rock hard, solid as steel motherfucker.
TG: :///////s
EARTH C - THE PRESENT
The colony gate is imposing and bold. Before he can enter, Dirk is stopped by a guard. The guard is a troll-carapace mix with other unplaceable features, a distant descendant of the original inhabitants of Earth C.
GUARD: Excuse me citizen. Before you pass the gate I will need to see your ID.
DIRK: I don’t have that.
GUARD: ... You wouldn’t happen to be Dirk Strider, would you.
GUARD: You are aware that the Gods are not allowed to set foot on the surface of this planet.
The guard subtly places their finger on a button on a control panel.
Dirk slowly pulls down his hood. Underneath he is wearing his shades, but he is unrecognizable. Bruised and necrotic masses obscure his face.
GUARD: My mistake. You’re not who I thought you were. Just one of his followers, I take it?
DIRK: I actually try not to associate with “his” followers. Those guys tend to read into some of his ideals a bit...liberally.
GUARD: Please, quickly enter the colony. Conditions on the outside become extreme at night. This way.
Now inside the colony, Dirk pushes his bike deep into an urban neighborhood where a cluster of Roxy’s followers live. The area is populated by a diverse mix of races. Old buildings are repurposed to encourage as much plant growth as possible. It’s like solarpunk up in here.
DIRK (thinking): It feels like I’ve been looking for him forever. So I’ve wound up back here—the planet we’ve been explicitly barred to fucking look at, let alone live on.
DIRK (thinking): It’s been centuries, and my once flawlessly sculpted body is falling apart.
DIRK (thinking): If I don’t find Roxy soon, I might just fade into nothing.
Outside of a light pink religious building, someone hands him a pamphlet for Followers of the Void:
Followers of the Void
Principles bestowed on us by the Creator God Roxy Lalonde
1 Desire and Imagination:
Manifesting from the VoidIf there is something that you really want, all you have to do is imagine it. Our world is unique in that everything that exists in it is made from imagination. The void is like an endless sea of imagination, but what refines this endless potential energy into concrete, material reality? Desire. Desire is what pulls ideas out of the void and makes them real.
DESTROY DESTROY DESTROY DESTROY DESTROY DESTROY DESTROY DESTROY DESTROY
He checks out the area. The people who inhabit this place are regular, hard working people. Not Creator Gods with the power to manifest their wants out of thin air, but people who have put blood and sweat into harnessing their imaginations to survive the crisis brought on by the Gods. All around are the fruits of their efforts–unique creations that aid in their survival and add enrichment to their lives.
Dirk departs Earth C. He rides his bicycle into the far reaches of space.
DIRK: The void...The void... Am I far out enough into space to be considered ‘in’ the void yet?
DIRK: I guess that’s pretty pedestrian thinking. The void is obviously not a fucking front lawn kiddy pool you dunk your material ass into at will. It’s a ~concept~ or something.
DIRK: But if it isn’t physically there, and again, really lame myopic thinking here, I don’t exactly get how I’m supposed to pull someone out of it. Because usually when I’m doing pulling, I’m using my arms.
DIRK: Sigh.
DIRK: Alright. Manifesting desires and shit...Making something appear, not with my hands, but my mind. This is where I’m at now. I’m doing this. I really am actually doing it, thus making it happen.
DIRK: Roxy...
DIRK: I am imagining Roxy.
DIRK: I am imagining so hard right now.
DIRK: Ugh! Fine, I was multitasking again. I was imagining him, but I was also running another scan on the narrativerse to see where all the characters are. Everyone who exists (and matters) exists somewhere in space. Dead or alive I can see them and what they’re doing. Roxy shows up on the scan. He does...and he doesn’t. He’s not dead. And yet he isn’t anywhere. In the universe. In any universe! I can see everything!
DIRK: And I still can’t see you.
DIRK: Why do you have to be so hard for me to understand? I want to see you, but in terms of this manifesting stuff we have to be real. I can’t imagine you, not really. A complete picture of you won’t form in my head, because there’s so much about you, about the void, that I’m still not grasping.
DIRK: And frankly, it gives me an inferiority complex.
DIRK: Demonstrably it’s easier to make the inanimate appear from the void than people, assuming that the latter is even possible to begin with. I could probably make a robot Roxy appear. That I can picture flawlessly. A map of your circuitry is so clear in my mind I can basically touch it.
DIRK: Yes, I could methodically construct the object to do whatever it is I need. But it’s hard to feel any sense of desire toward something you can see in excruciating detail. And if I don't really want it, it's a no go.
DIRK: Plus the time I actually did build a Roxybot I started feeling pretty weird about it and took it apart almost immediately.
DIRK: Roxy. I don’t want to see an object when I look at you, but it’s like I can’t help it. I’ve tried to see you, really see you as a whole person, but every time I put myself in your shoes that terrible feeling I’ve dedicated my life to conquering, brutally silencing, suddenly dwarfs me like a child again.
DIRK: I get...gender dysphoria, when I try to relate to you. I guess.
DIRK: And before I know it I’ve put you back in that box to protect myself. The Roxy I see when I look at you may as well be a robot. An empty shell I’ve built for you.
DIRK: That’s not what I want...
DIRK: I’ve spent so much of my life creating not what I desire but what I feel is necessary. So much time now that I wonder if I’ve missed the train on the whole ‘want’ thing. Permanently.
DIRK: When you’ve so many times over replaced your organic physiology with silicone and circuitry, you start to wonder how many vital human functions of yours have been chemically blocked, and for just how long?
DIRK: I don’t understand the void. I don’t understand you. But in my heart, I just...
DIRK: I just want to...
DIRK: I just want to see you again!
Something starts to form.